Enthusiastic and passionate. As often as I could pull it off. As often as I could create and carry it…hold onto it. The month of January was themed with these virtues. I had to embody them. Learn to find them, when they seemed so…gone. And that’s how it felt. Like they were gone. On some days they came so easily. On others, I fought to find them. And on a few…I wasn’t able to create them.
I felt like a pretender most days. Like I had to be happy. I hated having to choose happiness. It felt unnatural. However, I was looking at it wrong. Passion and enthusiasm create happiness…not vice versa. Well…that’s how it works for me. Now I ask…how do I find that passion? How do I find that drive? How do I find that enthusiasm?
I’ve been volunteering at a children’s home. Those smiles…that’s where the enthusiasm came from and with it came a passion. A fire I cannot explain. I love all of them. Each and every one of those beautiful faces and hearts have me.
However not every day is one in a situation like that. Not everyday allows me to bring meaning into another persons life…but why can’t it? Why can’t all I do be something that brings meaning and goodness back into the world. That is what drives me.
And on bad days. On bad days I know…that all bleeding must stop (yes, more greys anatomy). It will stop and the pain will go. The sorrow will go. The lacklustre and lack of motivation will go. All bleeding will stop. I may not be enthusiastic and passionate today…but it doesn’t matter what’s going on because in the end…all bleeding…it will stop. It must.
This February the virtues are: Tenacity and Diligence.