It is difficult for me to not lean to far in one direction. Difficult for me to moderate things. Well, I am not so sure if it is a difficulty or a choice to do one thing over another. In the end however, it is a choice. I choose to be trapped in this state of potential. I choose to indulge or be lazy. I can choose to work harder. I can choose to move toward greatness. I can choose to leave this state where all I am is just wasted potential.
I have been brilliant before. Studied and worked hard. Looked for nothing but brilliance and perfection. I was there. I was brilliant. However, there was no balance. I was consumed in it. I was frustrated when I didn’t reach a certain goal. Nothing less of 100 was okay. I was consumed by it.
Now. I am lazy and I work hard once in a while. The same perfectionist tendencies make me feel guilty for it. I have indulged in laziness and let myself slide. I have let myself fall to the other extreme. One with last minute reading and assignments. I used to prepare for final exams weeks in advance, now…it’s the night or day before.
I struggle to find balance.
I want to be like Christina Yang (Yes, I know she’s a fictional character). I want to be revolutionary and brilliant. Bad ass at what I do. Able to stand on my own. I want greatness.
I am stuck currently in a state of potential. However, I am too lazy to take that potential and turn it into something wonderful. I am treating my blessings as if they are something less.
I will take my potential and start turning it into something beautiful. I will start learning about balance.