Get ready for all sorts of cheese!
This year I learned about the 5 languages of love: acts of service, physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation and quality time. I stumbled upon it probably during one of my internet searches on good relationship advice and how to help your partner grow as a person (among a billion other things). I found it and
grew absolutely obsessed decided to make it a part of my life. Who uses acts of service as a primary love language? What is my love language? What is my boyfriend’s love language? How would we rank them?
A month or so (probably more) after
this amazing, life changing discovery I found out about these languages. A few problems arose in my relationship. They aren’t the main focus…the main focus here is the feeling that the other person didn’t truly care for them.
Let’s look at it from my angle (seeing as it’s just me who can explain what going on in my mind
or heart or whatever).
I couldn’t understand. I showed it all the time! Well, according to me. According to me I was doing a good job. According to me I was great at it.
However that was the problem…it was all according to me.
I was using my love languages, not his, to show him that I care. Turns out…if we ranked them, the two most important languages to me were at the bottom of his list, and vice versa. If I kept using them, I’m sure that he wouldn’t feel truly cared for… ever. If he used only his love languages to show me he cares…I wouldn’t feel truly cared for either.
I decided that I needed a new game plan.
Stop shoving my love languages down his throat and use his instead.
Straight forward. To the point. I got this!My plan was easier said than done (cliché…I know). It’s instinct to use what I’m used to first. It just happens. It is more, natural. I am trying to use his love languages and I am learning to stop for a second and think ( which helps me realise when the love language I want to use is actually mine), however sometimes I stop a little too late.
Granted I’m not great at it and I slip up A LOT. It’s something that I’m working on, I can’t just be expected to not just learn to speak his language but be fluent overnight. It will take time, but eventually, when I show him that I care he will know.