My mother is a single mother. However that was not always the case, but it is not my story to tell.
My relationship with my father has always been quite interesting. Though he was not here more often than most times, he always has a spot saved for him in my heart. He’s what one would call a deadbeat dad but to be honest he’s better than most. He calls as often as possible and we chat more often online. He has genuine interest in me, whatever I’m up to, what I’m feeling…and I for him. You might say we’ve cultivated an odd relationship but it works.
There was a time when I was bitter. When I was angry with him for not being here. For having missed almost all of my birthdays and milestones. I was angry with him for making the same old promise, because I thought it was a lie. I however have forgiven him.
It’s easy to want to make him a monster and blame him for not being here with me or trying to get to know me, but that’s not fair. It’s easy to grow bitter and resentful, to compare him to other fathers and hate him for being different. It’s easier to make him a villain, harbour negativity and pretend that I don’t care. I did it. I did it for as long as I could, then I decided it should stop. Doesn’t he deserve to know that I love him? That I care?
You see, I forgave him. I put myself in his shoes and forgave him. I listen to the same old promise and pretend that it’ll happen because I know he means it when he says it. I tell him about my life, in pieces, but I tell him. I try to empathise with him when he says things I know he doesn’t mean. I answer all of his questions on how everyone at home is, and I ask about everyone around him. I let him know how my day has been, ask him about himself and what he’s been up to. Recognise a pattern? It’s reciprocal. We share. It’s a true exchange not a one way thing, and for that I thank him.
Yes, he is the invisible man. Almost all of my friends have never seen him. However just because he’s invisible doesn’t mean he isn’t there.
I love you dad.