I’ve been looking at the photo from the weekly writing challenge and staring at it with a blank expression wondering what I would write. I’ve finally made up my mind. Before I begin I’d like to let you know a few things:
- This isn’t a fictional story
- Click the photo. It is the link that will take you to ‘daily post’ where the challenge has originated
- This is the first challenge I have done
That little girl sitting on the merry-go-round platform reminds me of .. well me.
She reminds me of a time where I had no voice and my opinions were last on my priority list. My goals were all wrong. My hopes and dreams were never given a chance because I choked on my words and shoved them back down my throat. I had low self-esteem and took the time to create my assassin, who oddly enough looked just like me.
I brought myself down and let others do so as well. I believed all the lies I was told. I made their hurtful and cruel words become my own. I sat on the sidelines. I never spoke unless spoken to ( and I must admit I still don’t talk to people unless they talk to me first). The monster which I gave a face and voice never strayed too far. It was always close by, whispering in my ear that I wasn’t good enough.
I spent a lot of time looking in the mirror, looking for things that were wrong with me. I tried so hard to be perfect. The issue is that I didn’t know that it’s not possible. I didn’t know that I can’t be perfect and neither can the rest of the world. Thus I tried and tried, and of course failed time and time again. I wanted to prove to all the bullies and people in doubt (including myself) that I could be the impossible. I could be perfect. I could be like them, maybe even better!
Today, I ask myself: why? Why on earth did I think that they were perfect? Why did I want to be like them? There was nothing special about them. The only thing they had, that I didn’t was the attention given to them by bystanders. I guess at some point I thought, that only perfect people are loved by all. At some point I thought what they were given is love, and I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I continued with my failed attempts and put friendships on the line. I forgot who I was and lost pieces of myself. I let them and myself tear me to pieces.
In the words of J. K. Rowling, “rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life”.
They made sure I hit rock bottom and I did. I was crying one night, shattered, when I noticed that I didn’t know who I was or love any part of me.
That was the night I hit rock bottom and when I reached where I thought would be a brutal end I realized that all the parts of me that had been beaten, chipped, shot and cut off by harsh words were waiting.That is where I pieced myself back together, learned who I was and who I wanted to be. So thank you . You helped me become who I am: strong, independent, stubborn, a fighter and so on. Believe it or not, those are the parts of me you helped build.
In summary that picture reminds me of one of the lowest points in my life. It reminds me of a moment which changed me forever.
♥Wishing You The best, I hope I did the challenge right ♥
This is an old post I’m re-uploading, I wrote it when I had first started the blog.